She lives in the Philadelphia area with her poly family and three cats. Starting in early adolescence, the risk-taking and sensation-seeking parts of our brains really kick into gear for most teens. If the minor is a teenager, rather than a pre-pubescent child; if the teenager gave verbal consent; if the perpetrator is someone we really, really like and admire. Maturity can include lots of different skills: And yet, they do. And we need to stop giving some people a free pass just because we like them, or because it turned out okay in their case. Skilled at reading and responding to complex social situations? Given these risks, how can people justify adults having sex with teenagers?
As a teenager, she could talk philosophy, she was reading college or graduate-level books, and she had a lot of emotional intelligence and insight, both for herself and for others she knew. Most of us know people who have driven while drunk, and gotten home safely without hurting themselves or anyone. She lives in the Philadelphia area with her poly family and three cats. Maybe they had a sudden blackout. Maturity can include lots of different skills: Once again, what teenagers actually need is adults who will help them navigate the complications of having a brain that is leaping ahead in some areas and standing still in others. She writes for various publications and has her own blog here. Follow her on Twitter lirelyn. Sometimes good people do bad things — especially in a culture that gives us lots of justifications and excuses. Maybe they were drunk. If your social circle is anything like mine, you might get some different answers. Skilled at reading and responding to complex social situations? Boys and masculine-presenting teens are often assumed to be sexually voracious regardless of their history, while girls and feminine-presenting teens only fall into this category if they have multiple sexual partners or typically act and dress in sexually charged ways. Sex with adults can be incredibly harmful to teens. Similarly, when a person is sexually violated, that causes damage whether the person who did it is a nice person or a jerk. Taking sexual advantage of a minor is typically considered one of the most loathsome things a person can do in Western culture. We judge them as mature, and treat them like an adult who can bear a full burden of decision-making and self-protection. Does that make drunk driving okay? We judge them as immature, and treat them like a child that needs to be managed. Young teens who have sex with older people are also more likely to experience STIs , unintended pregnancies, and substance abuse later in life. Most people improve in these skills as they grow, but not all at once and not at the same rate. I daydreamed about being swept away by Harrison Ford or Pierce Brosnan. This is an important part of our development into independent adults who will help shape the world. Above all, we need to get much, much better as a culture in helping our adolescents explore sexuality on their own terms, in ways that meet their needs and not ours. However, an adult having sex with a teen is still making, at best, a negligent and irresponsible choice.
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